Dating people in recovery
"We want people to have access to more than just what’s local or what they just happen across.” Shea and Kole are also hard at work on the Pink Cloud Foundation, a nonprofit that helps people in recovery "achieve their dreams"—through mentorship, resources or a small stipend to get their career going.
Through these various avenues, Shea and Kole are committed to connecting sober people all over the world, and look forward to the day they can put up the site’s own “e Harmony success story” billboards.
Contrary to what a lot of people think – that an addict’s job is the first thing to go – drug use shows up first in the dysfunction of the addict’s relationships.
Most recovering addicts have a long history of dysfunctional and destructive relationships.
“Women in early recovery often choose abusive men because they seem in control, while the women feel out of control in their own lives.
This control is attractive at first, but soon becomes controlling or abusive” says Desloover.
“In treatment, people learn new skills that need to be practiced before they are able to make them part of their daily life without returning to old patterns,” she explains.
Codependent individuals focus too heavily on the needs of their partner (“My happiness is dependent on making/keeping you happy”), and define themselves by their relationship, sometimes lowering their personal standards to please someone else.It would follow then, that recovering individuals would choose differently after working on themselves first.In early recovery, people tend to choose the same type of partner they would’ve chosen when they were using drugs.“It’s created by people in recovery for people in recovery.” Shea promises the site—which just launched last month—is also very LGBT-friendly: “It’s hard enough to meet somebody in recovery if you’re straight, but trying to meet someone in recovery if you’re gay or transgender, where are you going to go?” The site is also unique in that unlike major dating sites like or e Harmony, users can see everyone else’s profiles—not just the ones a computer has deemed compatible with their interests.
“As women grow more confident and emotionally healthy in recovery, their self-esteem and confidence improves, and they begin to actually like themselves.