Dating after my husbands death
While some managed to move on, with their grief being an open part of their lives with a new person, others revealed that they have not yet found a way to move forwards.
As one person writes: “I sometimes wonder if I could ever move on, if I could ever open up my heart to another love, if I could ever find someone who could understand.” “After we graduated and both landed jobs in a city 2,000 miles away, I married my college sweetheart. It was her first marriage (and she’s older than me), but her parents, as they got to know me, respected and really appreciated my path in life. I still miss my first wife but not in a debilitating way, and my wife knows that and respects it.
The day Jeff died I went home alone and have had very little contact with most of them since that day, august 18, 2011.
I am from Australia and have no family here at all.
“It’s still a conversation piece we try to avoid where possible as it’s hard not to make her feel a little uncomfortable about it all. “He doesn’t like talking about [the] past and likes focusing on the future. My husband was killed in a job-related accident, and I can’t get past the responsibility I feel for letting him go in to work that day, which was his day off. It isn’t based in reality,” says Rebecca Gladding, MD, a psychiatrist and research scientist at UCLA School of Medicine and coauthor of . Gladding suggests that one way to break out of such guilt is to ask yourself, “What would I say to a friend who told me she felt guilty about the same thing? ” The answer is “Give yourself the same compassionate love you’d give her.” One widow told me she felt guilty for yelling at her husband when he balked at taking his medications (six or seven of them)—three times a day. She was frightened by his deteriorating condition and overwhelmed by all her caretaking responsibilities. What would you say to someone who feels guilty because she didn’t spend all day, every day at her late husband’s bedside when he was repeatedly hospitalized for many weeks at a time?We needed the extra money, but I keeping asking why didn’t I say, “Stay home. Who doesn’t have thoughts of “would have, should have, could have” when grieving for someone we love? It’s a terrible tragedy, but you are not to blame for it. It became a dreaded ordeal for her and she blew up. She had to take breaks to keep herself together emotionally.For those who have not experienced loss, it is hard to imagine the unbearable pain that people go through when their partner dies.To reduce the isolation surrounding their suffering, people on Reddit have opened up about losing their spouses and the difficulty of finding love again.
Florence Isaacs is a freelance journalist, author—and a widow herself.