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But if an eroticized power imbalance—an honestly erotized one—doesn't turn you on, the creepily manipulative arrangement your husband is proposing certainly isn't going to work.

Which means it's both ultimatum and bluff-calling time.

On the one hand, I do not regret my time with any of these women. We are also very socially and financially entangled. And if so, I need help considering an exit strategy. It doesn't "just keep happening," ASSHOLE, you keep doing it.

Not one-night-stand scenarios, but longer-term connections. These have included what turned into a one-year affair with a single woman, a three-year affair with a close friend of my wife, a seven-month affair with a married coworker, and now a fairly serious four-months-and-counting relationship with a woman who approached me on Instagram. I love her, we get along great, and the sex is good—if I wasn't such a lying piece of shit, you could even say we make a pretty good team.

During therapy, my husband revealed that he was never in favor of the openness.

After trying some new arrangements—only together, only at sex parties, DADT—he realized he wasn't comfortable with any situation.

Visit our Cookie Policy to learn more about our use of Cookies.People are often way more resilient than we give them credit for, and convincing ourselves that our partners can't handle the truth is often a convenient justification for lying to them. While my husband had jealousy and trust issues, he hooked up with others regularly.But on the off chance it would crush your wife to be told everything, just tell her about Ms. After a few tense years, we started couples therapy.Please add a one-time donation to help fund our most urgent campaigns to fight discrimination and expand LGBTQ rights.Remember, 100% of your purchase fuels the fight for LGBTQ equality and makes you an active member of the Human Rights Campaign.

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The first step toward holding yourself accountable for your appalling actions—a close friend of your wife? Or maybe the wrongness and the self-loathing—the whole bad-boy-on-the-rack routine—turn you on.

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